Lost Without You
by kisstherain
Summary: Various episode continuations from Jess' P.O.V. inspired by "I'm Lost Without You" by Blink182.
1. No

A/N: Each chapter will be a different continuation from Jess' point of view. Hey, I was bored.

Okay. So I've already written a story about the whole "Come away with me" concept. That one was different. This story does not really change the show, just shows somewhat of what happened to our good-friend Jess as he departed broken-hearted. Hey, I rhymed. Anyways, give it a try. The lyrics are from "I'm Lost Without You" off the Blink182 self-titled album.

_This is song lyrics._

_**This is things-of-the-past.**_

-----

_I swear that I can go on forever again   
Please let me know that my one bad day will end_

-----

_**"Why won't you leave me alone? You won't go away!"**_

Her words danced through his swirling thoughts.

_**"It's not what I want!"**_

He couldn't get her out of his head. Once you start, you just can't stop.

_**"You don't know me!" **_

_**                    "There's nothing to start!" **_

_**                                    "No! No no no no."**_

Jess walked quickly from the building, his mind racing. 'No', she had said. 'No no no no no...' The word danced through his mind, and for a moment he felt as if he could no longer think. He had done it right, hadn't he? Hadn't he done what the books had said? But it didn't matter anymore, what the books said. All the books, they wouldn't help him now.

They couldn't, because in his head he could still hear her one frantic answer. Two letters, and yet he couldn't get over them.

"No," he whispered to himself, feeling the letters with his tongue. Shaping the sound with his lips. "No no no..."

Is this how it felt to have your heart broken?

Once inside the safety of his car, he felt calmer. Or maybe the word he wanted was 'numb'. Yes, yes that had to be it, because after what he had done, he didn't want to feel anymore.

"That's the key, isn't it?" He mumbled to himself, somewhat crazily, "if you can't feel, then the girl can't hurt you."

He turned the ignition and drove away, as the girl who had broken his heart sat crying in her dowm.

-----


	2. Welcome Home

Takes place during/after the kiss at Sookie's wedding.

Oh, and I forgot. These characters ARE NOT MINE.

---

_I will go down as your lover, your friend  
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin_

-----

He is watching her, not in a stalker kind of way, but in a 'wow, she's gorgeous' kind of way.

And as she is walking towards him, he seriously hopes that he doesn't mess it up again, because he doesn't deserve her. But still, he tries.

"What are you doing here?" Is the first thing she says to him, and he doesn't care. He just wants to hear her vioce.

He sometimes wonders why he bothers, why does he keep chasing her? Why is he is infatuated with her?

In New York, the chase was fun. Sometimes he chased, and sometimes he was chased. Either way he would end up screwing her. But that was okay then, because emotions weren't involved. Emotions didn't matter when you had a gun under your mattress, and a stash of whiskey in your dresser.

Now he is feeling things he has tried to ignor for nearly his whole life, and he doesn't want to forget about her anymore. Because she is far to beautiful and innocent to be forgotten.

And suddenly her lips are on his and he realizes how close she is, and that a whole conversation has gone by and he's missed it.

All thoughts leave him, as he is extremely aware of her hair brushing his face, and her arms are on his hips, and he's hoping, god he's hoping that it's not Dean on her mind as she's standing with him. He realizes his role in this, and he is kissing her back.

And it's over far too soon, as he barely grazes her lips with hit tongue, and his arms fall limp to his side as the space in front of him is empty. He's watching her retreating form, and half-wondering what just happened.

"Welcome home!" He hears her yell, and his body slowly get's back it's feeling.

Jess isn't sure what love is, but he sure hopes this is it.

---


	3. First Day

A/N: So, I was going to have this be longer, with more of the Rory/Jess conversation, but I became lazy. Sorry. It's shorter, and (to me) not as good as the last chapter, but it will have to do. I've already begun working on the fourth chapter.

Takes place during Jess' first ep. 'Nick & Nora, Sid & Nancy'.

Disclaimer: Ain't mine.

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_I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you  
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you_

-----

**The first thing he notices is that she's beautiful.**

He walks into the room, and sees the brunette sitting at her computer desk. He knows she is beautiful without having to realize it, because she isn't breath-takingly georgous, but beautiful in a way that he's never seen before.

She has that sort of hair, that you can almost feel how soft it is without touching it, because you know it must be like silk. And her eyes are blue like the sky and the ocean, and he's hating himself for getting poetic and sappy but he just can't stop thinking, even though it feels like he can't start.

**The second is that she's talking to him.**

"I'm Rory." She says, casually, and he nods. "Yeah, I figured." His eyes wonder across the room, and his gaze lands upon the shelves of books she has stationed on her wall.

**The third is that she's perfect.**

"Wow, aren't we hooked on phonics." Rory asks him if he reads and he almost begins to laugh. The answer he gives ("Not much.") is nearly the most untrue thing he could say to her at this moment. He pulls a book down, Nineteen-Eighty Four, and declines her offer to borrow it. He owns two copies.

As she is talking to her mother, he wonders to her large windows. "So, do these open?" Of course he knows they do, because his friend Janet had the same kind of window, and he couldn't even count the number of times he had snuck in or out using them. "Shall we... ?"

His question leaves her wondering, "Shall we what?"

"Bail." He says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Which is apparently isn't, because she's giving him a funny look. And they talk, and she leaves.

**The fourth is that he's fallen.**

And he doesn't belong here.


	4. Goodbye

Okay, so I thought I had written fic about the whole "I might have loved" phone call. Guess not! Oh well, enjoy.

Added A/N: I'm currently reading a book called "Lullaby" by Chuck Palahniuk. His writing inspires me. Lol. No seriously, I changed some of this to fit with my new writing mood. I'm very happy with this chapter. Anyways, on with the story.

Ain't mine.

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_Where are you now? I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming  
And if you will Keep me from waking to believe this_

-----

His fingers dialed the well memorized phone number, and his words caught in his throat when he heard her voice.

"Hello?"

One simple word, why can't he say it?

"Jess, is that you?"

_Yes. Yes, this is Jess. Yes, yes I'm in love with you. But my mouth doesn't seem to be working. The words aren't coming out._

"Fine, I'll talk."

_No, can't you hear me? I love you. I left for you. Aren't you listening?_

"You didn't handle things right at all. You could've talked to me. You could've told me that you were having trouble in school."

_I could've saved this relationship._

"I get it, but that's it for me."

That's it, she said.

"I think I may have loved you"

I may have loved you, she said.

"I just need to let it go"

_He_ needed to let it go

"Goodbye."

Jess took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second, and walked away.

_Goodbye._


End file.
